Worst Impressions of Earth: Paula vs. Dustin on The Strokes

Dustin: Okay, now I'm a Strokes fan, but I'm going to have to throw this new album "First Impressions of Whatever" on the top of the disappointments of 2006 list.

Paula: That's "First Impressions of the Earth" to you, sir, and it doesn't really belong on any disappointment pile. It might be a less visceral effort than "This Is It?" and "Room on Fire," but it's also got much more developed melodies that cut loose in a poppier kind of way. Coming from a band that way too many people anointed as the saviors of rock, I think that "First..." is worthy, if misunderstood, evidence that The Strokes don't take themselves too seriously and and neither should their fans (and critics). Just lay back, relax and have fun with it.

Dustin: See, but that's my problem with it. The album doesn't make me want to lay back and relax and have fun, like their other albums do. The Strokes are good at making fun three-minute songs and albums that run less than 40 minutes. This new album is long and full of songs that clock in over four minutes and often lack that energy that defines the Strokes sound.

Paula: But that's just it. They've put out an album that has a "new Strokes" feel to it, without completely bucking the "old Strokes" sound. It's become way too common (standard practically) for a rock band that comes out with a promising, highly-praised debut, to follow it up with a solid, reliable second effort, only to arrive at its third collaboration feeling like it needs to be experimental and different to remain edgy. It's a formula that's worked for bands like Radiohead (OK Computer), The Clash (London Calling) and even Led Zeppelin (Led Zeppelin III), but it has become almost cliche. Some might accuse "First..." of being a cowardly effort from a band that lacks the balls to completely revamp its sound, but haters would have poopooed that as selling out and would've probably bitched even louder had it been too similar to "Is This It?" and "Room on Fire." I think it's commendable that they're willing to try new things (think the lack of percussion on "Ask Me Anything" or "On the Other Side's" hints or reggae), while you've still got a track like "You Only Live Once" that could've come from 2001 or 2003. First gives you hard riffs, garage sounds, carefree poppier fluff and Julian Casablancas yelling and whispering...how can you not just chill out with it and let it remind you what it is you liked about The Strokes in the first place and how much potential they still have left. With so many indie one-hitters sounding the same over and over again, "First..." should make you happy that at least one talented band is going to be around for a while.

Dustin: I don't mind if a band changes their sound - just don't change it from "catchy" to "boring." As examples of change, you mention "On The Other Side," which is lame, boring and whiny, and "Ask Me Anything," a waste of time that is more a bad poetry reading than a song. Other tracks, like "Fear of Sleep" and "Vision of Division," do nothing except show us that Julian can scream like a howler monkey. And songs like "Electricityscape" and "Killing Lies" sound like they could be from any average band vying to get their lead singer on American Idol. In Jurassic Park, eternal nerd Jeff Goldblum says something about how change is often a scary and dangerous thing. I think this album is a perfect example of that.

Paula: It's not an unflawed track list, but it's definitely a balanced one. Yes, some songs find Julian being whiny and others find him howling like a jungle dweller, but again, the contrast makes not entirely for a new sound but for a balanced sound that grows on you after multiple listens. A song like "Juicebox" is a perfect example of what make "First..." more accessible to wider listening audiences that like a broad spectrum of sound in 35+ minutes. Admit it, The Strokes are growing up and some fans (ahem) are in denial about it because not that long ago they epitomized rock and roll salvation... which, I think the always level-headed Mr. Goldblum would agree, is an unimaginative notion to begin with.

Dustin: Well I still find their new "grown up" sound mostly boring, and I blame Drew Barrymore. Just look what she did to Tom Green.

Paula: So now you're resorting to the Yoko Ono argument? First off, Tom Green lost a nut. Can you blame the guy for not wanting to suckle with cows after that? Are you going to say it's Drew Barrymore's fault the guy lost one of his boys? Besides, she's dating the drummer. Since when does the drummer affect the direction of a band? Unless you're the one-armed dude from Def Leppard or the guy who was in Nirvana, no one even knows your name if you're the drummer - not even your bandmates.

Dustin: BattleOverBarrymore.blogspot.com?

Paula: Admit it: you've watched at least one Drew Barrymore movie and liked it. Just like I know that there are more than a couple of songs on "First..." that you like enough to have actually tried to get tickets to their concert next month.

Dustin: Hey, just because I still want to hang out with Drew when she comes to NYC doesn't mean I liked 50 First Dates.

Boy In Da Corny: Vijay vs. Matt on Dizzee Rascal

Vijay:
Dear Matt,
I think Dizzee Rascal is a grating horror show for one simple reason: both the vocals and the beats are extremely irritating. Apparently there is some intelligent social commentary hidden within the racket but I wouldn't know because the message is delivered in painful yelps that are nearly impossible to decipher.
More on those so-called vocals: the stuttering, scattershot, hyena on helium delivery is made even worse by the repeated and exaggerated up-and-down pitch of his voice. This isn't flow, this is frantic babbling.
The beats aren't much better. The descriptions of them as warped Nintendo/ringtone bleeps and growls are accurate, the common thread being that they are harshly unpleasant. Might I also add that the music is repetitive, generally uninteresting and frequently atonal.
The complete package leaves me with a splitting headache, simply some of the worst music to ever be so highly regarded.
Respectfully,
Vijay

Matt: Before getting too deep into the Battle of Dizzee I must concede you one point; the beats are a purely love 'em or leave 'em affair. I generally think they're genius in their sparseness — as if the kid was Timbaland's anorexic little brother - but I've tried to turn half a dozen of my friends onto Boy In Da Corner to no avail mostly because they can't get past the lack of Scott Storch's strings or whatever the flair of the month is on Direct Effect. So I don't completely fault you there, though I find it hard to believe that Hot 97 never ate up some of the more American-type joints on the second album like the Miami booty bass strip club anthem waiting to happen "Stand Up Tall."
That said, I feel very sorry for anyone who can't get down with "Fix Up, Look Sharp" (that's the all-drums one with the Billy Squire sample) or "Jus a Rascal," my vote for best not-actually-dancehall, dancehall track ever.
I think when talking about Dizzee and your amazement that he receives so many critical daps it helps to think about the context that most of us first heard him. It was 2003. 50 Cent was on the rise and ushering in the third wave of faux-gangsta inescapable rap as pop or pop as rap or whatever. Meanwhile the "underground" scene was busy rapping breathless verses about how high-minded their art was over Metal Machine Music samples. That may be overstating things a bit, but in the interest of simplicity we'll assume that the American rap scene was played. And here was this 18-year-old kid from East London making his own beats, who wasn't rapping about his rims, women or jewelry, but still wasn't afraid to be commercially viable. He was on the last Basement Jaxx album if memory serves. I don't think anyone ever got a guest spot on a Basement Jaxx album, whether you think that's a good or bad thing, by sounding at all atonal in their own right. Sure it wasn't completely approachable at first, but he wasn't being obtuse for the sake of being obtuse. He wasn't Anticon. In fact the first time I actually saw him interviewed he stared on blankly as the "indie" looking dude on MTV2 name-checked the entire Def Jux roster. He was completely on some other shit.
As for Dizzee's "hyena on helium delivery." To me, that's the sound of making a means on your own desperation. Everything I've read about the grime scene (which Rascal has certainly moved on from by now) had it as its own little self-sustaining community, unaware and unphased—mostly - of what was going on over here. Without getting into some amateur sociology bullshit, Boy In Da Corner was endearing, in part, because it was so foreign. It was a different take on hip-hop when I most needed one.

Vijay: Well said, yet the problem is that I don't find this take on hip-hop (or anything for that matter) endearing just because it is foreign and different-sounding. When it is all said and done, I need some appeal, some sort of connection during the listening process. You have found that attraction, but when the aural assault is so drastic, it can easily alienate listeners like myself.
The idea that the vocals are a function of desperation and outrage raises a similar argument - if it doesn't sound "good" to you then who cares about the root cause or the message behind the finished package?
This is a stretch of an analogy, but imagine there was a movie that wanted to get across the mind-numbing nature of the daily grind so desperately that the entire film was just repeated scenes of the commute and staring at a computer screen, with ambient sounds and no dialogue. I would rather watch a Hollywood action flick (the equivalent of slick hip-pop a la Scott Storch) than be subjected to the torture of the black sheep with a message.
I also find it necessary to point out that the MTV2 dude is named Jim Shearer and he is perhaps the worst television personality of all time. I cringe when he asks bands his stupid "questions," though it is entertaining to watch how different people react to his clear incompetence. I think I remember someone once responding with a exasperated, "are you serious?"

Matt: Ha, I secretly knew his name, but didn't want to drop it for fear of losing points in the match. You're a braver man than I.
Resolved: Jim Shearer is a douche rocket.
That behind us, you totally called me out on my weak-ass argument that Dizzee was special just because of his "other-ness." I deserve the quiet stares of a thousand post-colonial lit professors. That foreign quality got me listening, piqued my interest, but what came me coming back was exactly what I should have elaborated on before - the desperation. For most of Boy In Da Corner he sounds like a better articulated version of the off-his-ritalin paranoid 17-year-old that a lot of us went to high school with. Bugging out over the future and the past with equal dread. The "brag about how ill I am" moments come, but they sound almost like he's trying to convince himself as much as he is the listener.
At the least that's interesting, but I find it pretty damn endearing. Plus there's some genuine wordplay in there: "more disruptive and troublesome than ever, I'll probably be doing this, probably forever."
And the dude pronounces banana baNAHNa - you cannot front on that.
Of course to listen to some of it everyday would be draining but the same could be of listening to that Storch track or Vin Diesel movie. Fuck, I love some popcorn shit - the rise of Houston last year had me all summer - but how many Slim Thug tracks can you take before you start to wonder why this guy is doing it. Listening to Dizzee, you get the sense that the kid would be doing it regardless.

The Life Fur Suit: Russ vs. Dustin on Belle & Sebastian

Dustin: Is this the soundtrack to the new Care Bears movie?

Russ: No it's the soundtrack to your life you little closet fag. Talk about the music.

Dustin: How can I talk about the music when it's making rainbows shoot out of my ass?

Russ: Well your ass problem notwithstanding, your mouth should still work unless it's stuffed with cock. Talk, faggot.

Dustin: Dear Sir, I may have to discontinue this conversation if you do not cease with the obscenities and blatant homophobia. If you are feeling distressed, perhaps you should listen to Track 9, "Funny Little Frog," before any further discourse.

Russ: Oh. Poor baby. Did I offend you with my curse words? I am so sorry. I will be more sensitive to your delicate ears for the remainder of this battle. But homophobia? Me? You're the one trying to start this battle by implying that the album is gay. You're the homophobe buddy.
I just put on "Funny Little Frog" as you suggested. I feel so happy! Now there are rainbows shooting out of MY ass! Dude, point your ass out the window, maybe we can link our rainbows together into a SUPERrainbow!!!!! I'm pointing at the Chrysler building now, do I need to go north or south?
Hey, does this mean that we agree on this album? Because these rainbows sure are pretty. I'm happier than a pig in shit right now. Oops. Sorry. A pig in mud.

Dustin: I never implied anything about the album being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), unless ass rainbow is some kind of rusty trombone-type sexual activity that I don't know about. If that is the case, sorry, I thought I was making that up.
What I was trying to say is that I find it hard to listen to an album that sounds like it was written by The Wiggles. I'm a grown man. I can't listen to "We Are The Sleepyheads."

Russ: Okay Dustin. Ass rainbows and Care Bears are kind of gay, but we should move on.
Is there anything that you do like about this album? Do any of the songs appeal to you? Conversely, which songs are most irritating to you?

Dustin: Actually "We Are The Sleepyheads" is not bad.
Musically, I have to say, it's a good, well-produced album. It's just that they're so happy. You know how some musicians need booze and drugs before a live show? Belle & Sebastian have it in their contract that they will not go on stage unless their dressing rooms are filled with puppies. I just can't imagine listening to this album all the way through unless I just won the lotto.

Russ: Dustin, we really don't have much to battle over here. It is a good, well produced record. They are a happy bunch. They make me happy too. And I guess that's a big part of enjoying a band - if they connect with you on some emotional level, you're going to like them.
Belle and Sebastian make me very happy, but I'm pretty damn chipper to begin with. One can't expect that everyone is going to have the same disposition or reaction.

Dustin: Belle & Sebastian: getting people to go from "Your mouth is full of cock" to "I'm pretty chipper" since 1996!

Hate Registration: Josh vs. Dustin on Kanye

Dustin: Even though he fronted on Bush on live TV, I still have to say that Kanye's Late Registration was one of last year's most overrated albums. I'll say it has six good tracks out of 20. So minus the four stupid skits that's 10 bad songs.

Josh: So let me ask you this before we really get into it: Are you saying that it's an "overrated" album, or simply a bad one?

Dustin: As hip-hop standards go I guess it’s hard to call it “bad,” since these days five good songs practically makes something a rap classic. But since I pretty much turn the album off after “Drive Slow,” I guess I can safely call it a bad album.

Josh: I'll be the last person to tell you that Late Registration is a perfect album. I'll also be the first person to support your theory that five songs does not constitute a classic. But this album has more than five bangers, and I will not sit idly by while you call this a bad album.
You turn the album off after "Drive Slow." What is there NOT to like about "Crack Music," "Roses," "Diamonds," "Hey Mama," and "Gone" (by the way, "Gone" is my favorite song on the album)?

Dustin: “Crack Music” is aight – he actually comes off smart on that one, but I just have a hard time buying it when he tries to sound hard. “Roses” blows: waaa, my grandma is sick, I’m so sad, let me make a song out of it. “Diamonds” sucks in every way. The beat sucks, the sample sucks, and we all know he still rocks bling so the whole point of the song is void. “Hey Mama” is good but that’s an old song that was out before the album was released, but fine, I’ll give you that one. “Gone” is good because of Cam’ron, then the song goes on for six minutes! Six minutes – for a rap song! Who the hell does Kanye think he is? At least you can dance to “Rapper's Delight.” “We Major” is even worse at a never-ending seven minutes plus.

Josh: I'll give you that "We Major" is too long, but that is all I'll give you.
"Roses" is fresh. Just cause you have some deep seeded issues with your grandmother, doesn't mean we all have to ride that distress train. With "Diamonds," forget the awkward remix — the original song is just straight up hip-hop, and I happen to like the beat. Jay-Z obviously wrote his remix verse with the original theme in mind (the state of the Roc), and then Kanye tried to get political on the remix. I don't delve too deep into rappers being hypocritical though (unless blatant) because who isn't in life? So he talks about the perils of diamonds, and still wants to rock them. I'd beg you to not kill that cow in the field right before my eyes, but I'll gladly take three cheeseburgers at the next barbecue I'm at.
See, this is the thing - I do not like all of the songs on the album, but just because they're not all favorites, doesn't make them "bad." They are all structured intricately, and avoid the usual pitfalls of rap music, where you find a nice sample, loop it, and let it run for three minutes. Listen to "Roses" again - listen to how that song starts, and then listen to how it ends. Dude went out and tried to construct a musical album. You and I might find some of those songs down-tempo and boring, but there are millions of people who buy an Erykah Badu album, and I'm bored to tears by her. Again, there's a different between "not liking" and calling something straight up awful. Not only that, but while Kanye will never make anyone's top 10 lyricist list, he is your "Every Man Rapper," the common voice, spitting much more than your average "you're wack, I'm great, thank you, good night!"

Dustin: Everyone is a hypocrite in some aspects of their lives, sure, I guess. But if you’re going to make a song about the diamond industry being based on slave labor, you are not allowed to wear a diamond-studded Rolex. It’s pretty simple. You can’t justify it by saying, “I know it’s wrong and people die and lose arms and legs and shit but damn, they’re just so sparkly and pretty.”
As for the album as a whole, sure Kanye is a great producer. And he writes songs about themes other than “I’m the best” and “I sell mad bricks” and he is alright as a rapper. But a thunderbolt of mediocrity doesn’t make a good album for me. In 1994 Late Registration wouldn’t have made rap’s top 20 albums. It’s just considered dope today because it’s got a few club hits and because rap has been sucking lately. When it comes down to it, I listen to Late Registration and I get bored real fast.

Josh: Not to harp on this, because it is indeed what the remix is, but I do feel the need to again clarify that the original "Diamonds" found at the end of the album without Jay-Z, was strictly a hip-hop song that referenced diamonds as a metaphor for The Roc (and their diamond signs). It wasn't until the subsequent video and remix that Kanye decided to wax poetic.
PERHAPS, this album does get pushed higher up the CD food chain because everything else is such hot trash on a stick. But these are the facts: there are 16 songs on the album, if you include the short Common track. Now, I am the old, bitter, "it ain't like it was back then" hip-hop fan, so if I like a track, it's not like I'm co-signing a Fred Durst track. I think that "Heard Em Say," "Touch The Sky," "Golddigger," "My Way Home," "Drive Slow," "Crack Music," "Roses," "Hey Mama," "Gone," and the original "Diamonds" are all bangers. That's 10 tracks. Again, I don't even think the other six are bad - just not my cup of tea.
Would I rather grab De La Soul Is Dead over Late Registration? Absolutely. But if I live as if 1994 was the last year a hip-hop album came out, I'd have to stab myself in the eye with a No. 2 pencil. That also doesn't mean that I approve of anything that has even the slightest amount of substance in 2006. If I'm at a bar where everyone looks like Kathy Bates, I'm not hooking up with the girl who played Blossom just because she's a dime piece in comparison. This is a GOOD album. The accolades are justified.
Riddle me this Dustman: Does Kanye's "off the court" behavior have any bearing on your album thoughts?

Dustin: Like I said, his Bush bashing actually helped his standing in my eyes. The guy spoke his mind and I’ll give him credit for that. Too bad he can’t do a song about it – instead all we have talking politics is a washed up Chuck D and a non-radio friendly Immortal Technique. Stuff like Kanye's Jesus Rolling Stone cover doesn’t really turn me off that much – I mean, Nas is God’s Son and Jay-Z is J-hovah so I guess this whole God complex is just another retarded symptom of where rap is at these days.
As for the album, I guess we just disagree on the amount of “good” songs. But come on, some of the undisputably bad songs are nobody’s cup of tea. If you can listen to “Addiction” or “Celebration” without puking you deserve a medal.

Josh: Well, while I won't puke, I would feel awkward receiving a medal, as I'm not crazy about those songs either.
Kanye, for better or for worse, draws attention to himself. It's only natural that people are going to either build him up, or pick him apart.
College Dropout might not have been sonically better, but I did enjoy that album more than Late Registration. If all of a sudden, Kanye's next album has a couple of less "good songs" on it, and collabos with Bono, Santana, and Rob Thomas, well then "Scarface we have a problem."
It was a good follow up album. I guess what it boils down to is, people are acting as if liking Kanye is to anoint him the "next chosen one." In the late 80's and early 90's, solid albums were coming at you left and right. There wasn't enough allowance in the world to keep up. Kanye would have fit right into that mix - a good album during a good time period. Someone would say "Hey Dustin, you like that Kanye album?" and your response would be "Eh, there are a few songs on it I like, but a lot of stuff I'm not feeling." The fact that there's nothing else really out there right now, you're almost forced to have a firm stance. A Kanye line is drawn in the sand. Which side are you on?
I'll just never get Kanye bashing within the hip-hop community. This is a kid that grew up just like all of us, loving the same exact rap. And when it's him alone in that studio, the end result is him spitting out Tribe, Souls of Mischief, etc... all into one. Everything he absorbed as a fan is evident in his work. People - myself included - whine for days about the lack of Native Tongue type groups. He's not only trying to fill the void with his work, but also by trying to save others (Common).
I know that's sort of getting off the topic of the album at hand, but I think it's important as a backdrop. He challenged himself musically with this album. It's not as if he had some ridiculous watered down pop song that had you saying "man I can't believe he sold his soul." He tried to take it to another level and I think he had more hits than misses. You feel the opposite, but it's not hard to see why many people do put it on their "Best Of" lists for '05.

Antony's Johnson: Dustin vs. Jay

Dustin: I cannot believe I just listened to the entire Antony and the Johnsons album all the way through and nobody paid me for it.

Jay: You are expanding your musical knowledge.

Dustin: More like, I'm expanding my threshold for musical pain. I guess if I ever become a Central American dictator who holes up in a nunnery to avoid capture by the U.S. Military and winds up getting bombarded with high decibel Antony and the Johnsons records, I'll have to thank you for this.

Jay: That's really how you're gonna start the battle?

Dustin: Do we have to start a blog called Battle Over Battle Over Bands? Here, how's this for a start: Today I listened to "I Am A Bird Now" by Antony and the Johnsons. It was a painful experience that made we want to stick sharpened pencils in my ears.

Jay: You should take comfort in the fact that even if you jam your ears til they bleed because of his music, Antony would run -- actually, probably float -- over to you, bring your head to his bosom, and console you so you feel no pain.

Dustin: Is that like the old unfunny joke where you tell someone you have a headache and then they propose to kick in you shin so you'll forget about your headache? Because having my head in Antony's bosom would definitely make me feel a different kind of pain from the kind I experienced from his album, although I doubt it would make it would make me forget about it. It would probably make me remember it even more since he would most likely be whimpering like he does on the album.

Jay: What you call "whimpering" I prefer to label "gentle crooning." Not all music has to be angry Germans dressed up in camouflage using a growling, guttural voice to get their message across. You don't like Antony because he threatens you and your masculinity. If anything, you should not like yourself over him. His is the vocal equivalent of butter on a velvet pillow.

Dustin: It's not so much that he threatens my masculinity, it's more that I really can't relate when he sings "One day I'll grow up and be a beautiful woman." But maybe that's just me. I also have trouble with "Fistful of Love." When my favorite bands sing about about fisting, I prefer them not to be on the receiving end. I like the way Tool handled the topic, and their persuasion methods were pretty funny too: "This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to." Who's gonna buy that line? Well, I guess Antony did.

Jay: I'm a little surprised you would take "Fistful of Love" so literally. I mean, if we're talking about the same-titled song by 70s Southern trash rock group Black Oak Arkansas, then it'd be understandable to assume that they are either talking about a certain deviant act or, since they're from the South, more probably beating their true love (for love's sake of course).
Otherwise, listening to "I feel your fists/And I know it's out of love" seems like the ole metaphorical unrequited love rearing its effeminate head. If you take it literally, does that also mean Tool's "Hooker With a Penis" has nothing to do with people who mock the band and call them sell-outs but continue to support them and is really about a third-legged prostitute?

Dustin: Hey, who said it can't be about fisting AND unrequited love. Fisting sure sounds like unrequited love if you ask me. And how about "My Lady Story?" I take it that's a metaphor too.

Jay: Excellent use of the avoidance argument style. I commend you.

Dustin: Thank you sir.