Dustin: Is this the soundtrack to the new Care Bears movie?Russ: No it's the soundtrack to your life you little closet fag. Talk about the music.
Dustin: How can I talk about the music when it's making rainbows shoot out of my ass?
Russ: Well your ass problem notwithstanding, your mouth should still work unless it's stuffed with cock. Talk, faggot.
Dustin: Dear Sir, I may have to discontinue this conversation if you do not cease with the obscenities and blatant homophobia. If you are feeling distressed, perhaps you should listen to Track 9, "Funny Little Frog," before any further discourse.
Russ: Oh. Poor baby. Did I offend you with my curse words? I am so sorry. I will be more sensitive to your delicate ears for the remainder of this battle. But homophobia? Me? You're the one trying to start this battle by implying that the album is gay. You're the homophobe buddy.
I just put on "Funny Little Frog" as you suggested. I feel so happy! Now there are rainbows shooting out of MY ass! Dude, point your ass out the window, maybe we can link our rainbows together into a SUPERrainbow!!!!! I'm pointing at the Chrysler building now, do I need to go north or south?
Hey, does this mean that we agree on this album? Because these rainbows sure are pretty. I'm happier than a pig in shit right now. Oops. Sorry. A pig in mud.
Dustin: I never implied anything about the album being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), unless ass rainbow is some kind of rusty trombone-type sexual activity that I don't know about. If that is the case, sorry, I thought I was making that up.
What I was trying to say is that I find it hard to listen to an album that sounds like it was written by The Wiggles. I'm a grown man. I can't listen to "We Are The Sleepyheads."
Russ: Okay Dustin. Ass rainbows and Care Bears are kind of gay, but we should move on.
Is there anything that you do like about this album? Do any of the songs appeal to you? Conversely, which songs are most irritating to you?
Dustin: Actually "We Are The Sleepyheads" is not bad.
Musically, I have to say, it's a good, well-produced album. It's just that they're so happy. You know how some musicians need booze and drugs before a live show? Belle & Sebastian have it in their contract that they will not go on stage unless their dressing rooms are filled with puppies. I just can't imagine listening to this album all the way through unless I just won the lotto.
Russ: Dustin, we really don't have much to battle over here. It is a good, well produced record. They are a happy bunch. They make me happy too. And I guess that's a big part of enjoying a band - if they connect with you on some emotional level, you're going to like them.
Belle and Sebastian make me very happy, but I'm pretty damn chipper to begin with. One can't expect that everyone is going to have the same disposition or reaction.
Dustin: Belle & Sebastian: getting people to go from "Your mouth is full of cock" to "I'm pretty chipper" since 1996!
3 comments:
We are all stupider for having read this. Winner: Nobody.
Although Dustin's Wiggles reference puts him ahead.
You are stupider for waking up this morning. Loser: Everybody.
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