Nightmare on Elsewhere: Chris vs. Jay on Gnarls Barkley

Chris: I LOVE Cee-Lo — his two solo albums are fantastic, and I didn't blame him for leaving Goodie Mob — he was trying to bring them in a direction that they needed to go in. That being said, "St. Elsewhere"sucks as an album, as it is really is an attempt by a knob-twiddler (Dangermouse) to legitimize himself as a producer. Don't get me wrong — "Crazy" is a dope summer song, but after that, he's just a Prince Paul rerun fueled by gimmickry.

Jay: First off, it's Danger Mouse, not Dangermouse but whatever. Second, I'm never gonna write the book on electronic music, but "knob-twiddlers" refers to producers who specialize in IDM e.g. Four Tet, old Caribou etc. One look at DM's discography shows Pelican City (Portishead-influenced downtempo), Gemini + Dangerdoom (hip-hop), Gorillaz (Funk/pop/hip-hop hybrid) and the Grey Album (Mash-up).
Also, and I'm not really sure if this is an opinion or just obvious fact, but "knob-twiddling" albums have always remained on the fringes of music, away from any mainstream roads, and one listen to Elsewhere shows it to be a pop/soul album. Of course, I'm also assuming you've listened to the album which, if not correct, I apologize. So I'm not really sure where the knob-twiddling comes in unless that's just your pejorative phrase for any producer you don't like, in which case, I again apologize.

Chris: Thank you Senor Musicnerd; condescension and hair splitting will get you nowhere. Stop bullshitting — you know what I mean. Gnarls Barkley consists of Danger Mouse (really? please.) pushing buttons and Cee-Lo singing. It's a crass sort of legitimization that people like Chuck Klosterman and yourself are giving this guy. What you SHOULD be apologizing for (I sense a Catholic guilt complex on the your end) is the Olestra-type digestability of this album. The whole album is pre-processed beats for the masses. It's as if he took all of Pete Rock's best hooks, Sly and the Family's horn blowing, hit "cut" and "paste", and with a little timing, had a couple of songs. I understand that all music is derivative, but come on! I put peanut butter on one slice of bread, jelly on the other and slapped that shit together, and nobody gave me four stars!

Jay: Senor Musicnerd? How did I become Hispanic all of a sudden?
What sort of legitimization am I giving him? That he makes beats? I don't even understand that comment. Why does he get bashed for making music people like? If anything, you sound like Pablo Nerdudo by shitting on something simply because of its digestability to "the masses." If anything becomes a commercial success, some people like yourself immediately dismiss it as "easily expendable," but sometimes there's a reason why albums are universally loved, namely because it builds on familiar sounds without becoming derivative. I just don't feel the "derivative argument" holds up here, especially with the non-cheesy use of gospel in a secular, pop record.
And I like your earlier sandwich-making better.

Chris: The legitimization of artistry. I am never doing to front on a head that wants to make some chedda but this album should be called out for what it is — aspirational porn for beatmaking losers who flip back and forth from the Jenna dildo scene to GarageBand.
The thing is, that when I like an album, I committ to it financially — I just don't download it willy nilly. This album is almost WANTING to be downloaded illegally — why would I want to spend money on it, much less time? Also, I like to share my music with others. Are you seriously going to bump this album outside of "Crazy" at your summer BBQ or out of your Bentley? Hell no. "Crazy" is like some lube for the drunk dry funking that this album is surely going to give you. Imagine that you're making out with some vivacious woman at the club and coax her into a cab. And you're doing all sorts of stuff to her in the cab, and she's reacting all bothered. And you're like "darn, I can't wait to hit this."
That's "Crazy".
But then you take her up, strip her down, and she's as wet as some burnt toast, with some pubic hair on it — toast a la Clarence Thomas.
That's the rest of the album.

Jay: I had to take a minute to sit on this one. Binghamton University was pretty lacking in the Creative Writing department so sadly, i'm not sure i'll be able to live up to your "response." But I think you were trying to say "Crazy" is the only good song on the album.
Or you recently had relations with a female.
Or both.
I'll just say this: "Crazy" is a great song. Not because the "masses" like it. Just because it's instantly catchy without succumbing to saccharine pop. Not all of the album is like that. Some of it is fairly dark (for poppier territory) and makes it a diverse listen in my opinion. And there you have it. Feel free to have the last word, and don't forget to mention porn, dildos and pubic hair as they're phenomenal references to why you don't like this album.

Chris: Art/music is made to provoke a reaction — hence the liberties with my description. Attempts to denigrate my opinion through the guise of word choice condescension earn little legitimacy at my Round Table of Discussion. If you are not being sarcastic then my opinion of you as a man with taste recovers slightly from the bland kudos that you give this album.
Look, if you are telling me I should love "Crazy" because it's "instantly catchy without succumbing to saccharine pop," then I've already won. You are present and happy with the knowledge of drinking the Kool-Aid, and I can't argue with that.
Hey, I was thinking of making a Sapphic porn, with dildos that have real live pubic hair. Looking for investors — you in?

Jay: Only if we can include a male lead named Gnarls Barkley.